


A Series of Drabbles

by LateNiteSlacker



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateNiteSlacker/pseuds/LateNiteSlacker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one-shot challenge fics!  The prompts are at the top of the story.  Most are very silly. </p>
<p>1: Dirk is a melting screaming ice cream cone and Jake is the one eating him. (Crackfic!)<br/>2: Jake is a Vacuum Cleaner (Crackfic!)<br/>3: Dirk and Jake are Caterpillars (Fluffy!)<br/>4: Dirk and Jake get married in Space (Fluffy!)<br/>5: Jake is a cinnamon bun and Dirk wants to sin with him (Crackfic!)<br/>6: 3 inch small Jake falls in love with giant Dirk (Fluffy!)<br/>7: Incubus!Jake meets Demon-hunter!Dirk. (Drama!)<br/>8: JohnDave falling in love (Fluffy!)<br/>9: Dirk and Jake are water and forest nymphs (Drama!)<br/>10: Omegaverse DirkJake (Drama/Fluff?)<br/>11: JohnDave and DirkJake (Crackfic!)<br/>12: Sheep!Dirk/Shepard!Jake (Crackfic!)<br/>13: The Notebooks - DirkJake (Drama!)<br/>14: Nurse and patient - JohnDave (Drama/Fluff?)<br/>15: Photographs - DirkJake (Drama!)<br/>16: Naga!John/human!Dave (Drama/Crack/Fluff?)<br/>17: Ostrich!Dirk/human!Jake (Crackfic!)<br/>18: Lobster!Dirk/human!Jake (Crackfic!)<br/>19: GuardianAngel!Dirk/Jake (Drama/Fluff)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dirk is a melting ice-cream cone and Jake is eating him

Prompt from Sachi-Sama:  Dirk is a melting screaming ice cream cone and Jake is the one eating him.

 

* * *

 

YOUR VOICE IS A LOUD ECHOING SCREAM.  EVEN YOUR THOUGHTS ARE SCREAMING BECAUSE HOLY FUCK YOU’RE BEING EATEN. YOU WERE JUST CREATED, ESPECIALLY FOR THIS GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL MAN. 

YOU WERE CRAFTED OUT OF THE PERFECT BLEND OF DAIRY, NATURAL FLAVORINGS, AND CRUNCHY WAFFLE CONE GOODNESS.

YOUR NAME IS DIRK STRIDER.  YOU ARE A CHOCOLATE CHIP ICECREAM CONE, AND JAKE ENGLISH IS EATING YOU.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” YOU SCREAM LOUDLY, FILLING THE ENTIRE ICE CREAM PARLOR WITH SOUND.

BUT JAKE DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE.  NOT ONE WHIT.  HE LICKS AT YOUR TOP SCOOP WITH HIS PERFECT PINK TONGUE, LICKING AWAY THE SLIGHTLY MELTED LAYER OF YOUR CREAMY GOODNESS.

JAKE LICKS YOUR BOTTOM SCOOP, DIGGING HIS TONGUE UNDERNEATH YOUR WAFFLE CONE IN A VERY ENTICING AND LEWD MANNER.  HIS TONGUE IS SO HOT AND WET AND PERFECT. IT BLENDS BEAUTIFULLY WITH YOUR CREAMY BODY AND YOU CRY AT HOW WONDERFUL YOUR ICECREAM LOOKS ON THE TIP OF HIS TONGUE.

“Mmmmmm, this is so delicious!  I don’t think I’ve ever had an ice cream cone that I’ve loved so much before!” JAKE EXCLAIMS. “I love it so much I could just marry it!”

JAKE LAUGHS AT HIS JOKE BUT TO YOU IT ISN’T A JOKE.  YOU KNOW YOUR LIFESPAN IS ONLY A SHORT FEW MINUTES.  EVEN IF YOU WERE CREATED AND LEFT ALONE ON THE COUNTER, YOU WOULD MELT AWAY QUICKLY.  BUT THANKFULLY THAT IS NOT YOUR FATE. YOU WERE CREATED FOR JAKE ENGLISH, YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT SOULMATE.

JAKE ENGLISH IS YOUR EVERYTHING, AND FOR RIGHT NOW, THESE BRIEF FEW MINUTES OF YOUR EXISTENCE, YOU ARE HIS.

YOU ARE HIS, AND HE IS YOURS.  AND LIFE, THOUGH FLEETING, IS A BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW OF GLORY.

“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! AAAA AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!” YOU SCREAM AGAIN, LOUDLY, BECAUSE JAKE HAS JUST BITTEN INTO YOUR CONE.  HIS BEAUTIFUL BUCK TEETH TEARING AWAY THE WAFFLED EDGE OF YOUR HARD RIGID EXTERIOR, REVEALING THE CREAMY DELICIOUS SWEET GOODNESS UNDERNEATH.  JAKE HAS DONE SOMETHING NOBODY ELSE EVER HAS AND NOBODY ELSE EVER WILL.  JAKE HAS REACHED INSIDE YOU AND SEEN A PART OF YOU THAT ONLY YOU AND HE WILL EVER SHARE.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” YOU SCREAM AS HE LICKS AT YOUR SENSITIVE SECOND SCOOP, HIS TALENTED TONGUE FLECKING AWAY A CHOCOLATE CHIP EXPERTLY.

JAKE ENGLISH IS PERFECTION.  YOU COULDN’T POSSIBLY LOVE HIM ANY MORE THAN YOU DO NOW.

HE LICKS AND BITES AS YOU SCREAM AND SCREAM, FILLING THE PARLOR WITH YOUR CRIES OF ECSTCASY AND PASSION.  OH GOD YOU LOVE HIM.  YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!

JAKE FINISHES YOUR TOP SCOOP, BITING SLOWLY THROUGH YOUR CONE AS HE LICKS THE SECOND.  HE FINDS THE TINY FLECK OF BLUEBERRY THAT THE UNDERPAID TEENAGE WORKER ACCIDENTALLY LEFT ON YOU, AND FOR A SECOND YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSED. YOU HOPE JAKE DOESN’T HATE YOU FOR YOUR SHORTCOMINGS.

BUT JAKE DOES NOT.  JAKE LICKS THE BLUEBERRY ICECREAM AWAY AND GIVES ANOTHER PLEASED MOAN.  IT’S JOYOUS SINGING OF ANGELS TO YOUR EARS.

JAKE MOANS AS YOU SCREAM AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT YOU BOTH COME AT THE SAME TIME.  A SMALL DRIP OF YOUR CREAM LEAKS FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR WAFFLE CONE, AND JAKE IS QUICK TO LICK IT UP, MOANING APPRECIATIVELY.

“I love you,” JAKE MURMURS DREAMILY. “Golly but I’m sad that this is the only time I’ll ever get to enjoy your taste!”

“I LOVE YOU TOO JAKE!!!!! FUCK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!” YOU SCREAM TO HIM, PROFESSING YOUR UNDYING LOVE THAT WILL LIVE ON FAR AFTER YOU’RE GONE.

JAKE FINISHES YOUR SECOND SCOOP AND FINALLY IS LEFT WITH JUST THE BOTTOM OF YOUR DRIPPING CONE.  HE LICKS YOUR HARD TIP ONE MORE TIME AND YOU SCREAM WITH PLEASURE.  THEN HE FINALLY PLACES THE LAST OF YOUR RIGID BODY IN HIS MOUTH, LICKING AND CHEWING YOU, LOVING YOU TILL THE VERY END.

Jake sits for several minutes with a smile on his face.  Like he’s just experienced the best thing that will ever happen to him in his entire life.  Eventually, he stands up and murmurs to himself, “I do say, that was quite delicious!  Perhaps I should have another?”


	2. Jake is a Vacuum Cleaner - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: DirkJake prompt. Dirk or Jake is a vacuum cleaner that gets off on being used, the dirtier the surface the better, and the other is a human that owns the vacuum. They can talk to each other and when the human doesn't used the vacuum for a while the vacuum just starts screaming from inside wherever it's stored, regardless of the time of day and whatnot.

Jake was so glad that Dirk was a neat freak.  Everything in Dirk’s room was meticulously placed, even the things that looked like they weren’t.  His posters were carefully placed on the wall with perfect precision.  His smuppets tastefully arranged in a pile by his bed.   The tools that he used for his robotics were all exactly where he put them in a place that only he could find them.

And everything, EVERYTHING, was spotless. Dirk vacuumed up all the dust that could possibly get in the way on a daily basis.  His floors were so clean that you could eat off them.  And sometimes, in secret, Dirk did.

Jake never did, of course.  Because what use is food to a vacuum cleaner?

Jake could only purr out his happiness every time Dirk opened the closet where he was kept.  He bristled in anticipation every time Dirk touched his hard handle, pulling him from the closet so he could be used like he loved.

But it had been a while since Dirk had opened his closet.  It had been at least ten hours, and Jake was starting to get worried.

Dirk cleaned every day.  Sometimes multiple times a day.

So where was his blasted human lover?

Jake fretted as the minutes went by, and he paced around, turning his wheels and rolling around the small closet.  The fans inside his machinery whirred as he ruminated over what could possibly be wrong with his precious Dirk!

Was Dirk sick?  Was he ok?  Was Dirk DEAD?!!!

Jake finally couldn’t take anymore, and with a mighty roar, he burst out from the closet, his vacuum settings on high speed!!!

Jake raced down the hallway, full of worry and fret!!!  “Dirk!!!  I’m coming for you Dirk!!” he screamed as he plowed into the closed door to Dirk’s room.

He bust through the door, vacuuming wildly, his extension pipe whipping around as if DARING any intruders who would hurt his precious Dirk!!!

But there were no intruders.  Instead, there was only Dirk, sitting in his chair facing his computer.  He swiveled around in his chair, giving Jake a _look_ that made his vacuum sac beat wildly.

“Look around, Jake,” he said slowly, seductively. “I’ve made a mess.”

Jake looked around, noticing the Dorito crumbs littering all over the floor, as if Dirk purposely ate all over his floors and left the mess for him.

Jake trembled, his extension pipe quivering and his handle feeling harder than ever as Dirk slowly prowled up to him, grasping him by his overinflated dust sack. “What are you gonna do about it?”

With a loud cry, Jake arched into Dirk’s hand as the human grasped his stiff handle and turned him onto ultra clean power.

“Ahh!!! Ahhhh DIRK!!!” Jake cried as Dirk ran him across the floor, sucking up all of the Dorito crumbs and leaving behind a spotless floor.  He couldn’t help coming with pleasure again and again, spurting pieces of Dorito dust out of his extension handle onto Dirk’s shirt.  He shivered with pleasure as Dirk licked some of them up.

He couldn’t maintain the same speed as Dirk finished cleaning with him and leaned over him, taking off his pants and lowering himself down his shaft seductively.  Jake screamed with want as he felt Dirk’s hardness on him, teasing him mercilessly as the human came closer and closer to his own orgasm.

“Nnn… Jake…. Fuckkk!!!” Dirk screamed, coming on Jake’s body.

“Annnn…. DIIIIIRKK!!!!!” Jake cried, coming hard one final time all over Dirk’s chest.

They both sat together, panting in pleasure as Dirk placed gentle loving kisses all over his hard handle and on his slowly deflating dust sack.  Jake reached his extension tube around, cleaning the bits of Dirk’s come and his own come off them both, returning Dirk’s room to the spotless place it was before.

“Dirk, that was lovely,” Jake moaned, pulling his extension tube around Dirk and hugging him close. 

Dirk smirked back at him in that way that left him full of excitement and want.  “You should see what I have planned for tomorrow.”

Jake had questioned it before, that Dirk could fall in love with a vacuum cleaner.  But now his doubts were put to rest.  He was sure that Dirk loved him. 

As Dirk opened up his drawer, filled with Little Debbies, Doritos, Skittles, M+Ms, and all the junk food imaginable, Jake nearly passed out from anticipation. He kissed Dirk with passion.  “Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.” 


	3. Dirk and Jake are caterpillars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: Dirk and Jake are caterpillars that have no idea they'll be butterflies one day so when one of them finds the other inside a cocoon he's like ??!!??!! but then the metamorphosis completes and he's like WOW, UR SO PRETTY NOW, swoon.

It was a funny thing, life.  Especially for a caterpillar. 

Jake felt like his days were dictated by the rising and the setting of the sun.  Each day, he awoke to its warm gentle rays of light.  He would peek out from beneath his leaf and begin a new adventure, foraging for food and exploring new horizons. 

Each day was a lifetime for him.  He didn’t know how long he would actually live, but for a caterpillar, that wasn’t a concern.  All he cared about was the endless bounty of adventure that each day would bring.  Whether it was the warmth of the sun or the wetness of rain.  Everything was excitement, and everywhere he went the leaves grew plentifully, giving him more than enough sustenance to live on.

And then one day, he woke up to find he wasn’t alone.

He woke to find a giant glassy eye staring at him.  And a terrifying sharp beak.  Jake gasped. 

A bird!!!  The bird would certainly spell the end of him!

Frightened, he curled into a ball and rolled quickly away.  Down the leaves he went. 

Down down down.

He rolled down until he hit the earthen floor.  From high above he could hear the bird flying away.  He was safe.

“I saw what you did there,” a voice said from not far away.  “That was pretty brave.”

“Who are you?” Jake asked, looking around distrustfully.

“Relax, I’m not a bird.  I’m a caterpillar just like you,” the other caterpillar said.  “The name’s Dirk.”

“Oh thank heavens!” Jake said, relaxing visibly.  “I’m Jake!”

From that day on, Dirk and Jake adventured together. They got lost in the woods together.  They ventured through caves.  They explored valleys and streams.

They looked out for each other, keeping each other safe from danger.

As time went on, they both grew.  Jake laughed at Dirk at first, how he was eating more and his skin was growing thicker.

But then he began to get worried about his friend. Dirk was moving slower than ever.  He wasn’t eating anymore.  And before long, Dirk couldn’t move.

For the first time in his life, Jake thought about death. 

He thought about the end of Dirk’s life and the end of his own.  And he didn’t like it one bit.  He didn’t want their days of adventuring to end!

With the last of his strength, Dirk climbed up into a tree, finding a shady safe nook to hide himself inside.

“Dirk,” Jake cried by the other caterpillar’s side.  “Dirk please don’t leave me… please don’t die!”

Dirk smiled at him, pulling Jake close to his side. “I won’t leave you, Jake.  I’ll come back for you.”

But in the morning, Jake was in for a rude surprise. Hundreds of tiny fibers were spun around his friend, sealing him off from the world.

For days, Jake mourned the death of his friend.  For days, he refused to leave his side except to eat sad withered leaves that hung beside them.

Jake knew he had to move on.  That this couldn’t be how his life ended.  He had to get over Dirk.  Even if he loved him.

Finally, several days later, an eternity for a caterpillar, Jake readied himself to leave.  The cocoon looked a little different today.  As if something had split it open.  Hopeful, Jake looked inside, but he found nothing inside it.

Sadly, Jake leaned over the cocoon and kissed the remains of the dried husk.  “Goodbye, Dirk.  I’ll never stop loving you.”

“I hope that’s true, because I’ll never stop loving you either.”

Jake gasped, looking up into the sky.  He would recognize that voice anywhere.  “Dirk!” he cried, but he didn’t see his friend.  “Dirk, where are you?!”

And suddenly, a beautiful butterfly with magnificent colorful orange and black wings landed beside him.  He flipped his wings at Jake playfully.  “Right here,” he smiled and laughed as Jake celebrated beside him, covering him with wet sloppy kisses.

“Relax, I’m not going anywhere!” Dirk laughed.  “Except with you.  Are you ready for another adventure?”

Together, Jake and Dirk traveled and adventured.  It wasn’t long before Jake felt himself growing heavier and slower.  He knew what was coming, and he was afraid.

“Don’t worry, Jake,” Dirk promised.  “I’ll never leave your side.  I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Jake asked, with the last of his breath.

“Promise,” Dirk said.  True to his promise, he guarded Jake’s cocoon for days, never letting anything come near it.

And when Jake emerged days later, with vibrant emerald and violet wings, Dirk was waiting for him.  He smiled as Jake shook off the sleepiness and tested out his new wings. 

“You waited for me,” Jake said, reaching for the other butterfly.

“Of course I did,” Dirk replied, pulling Jake into an embrace.  “I told you I’d never stop loving you and I’d never leave your side.”

Jake grinned.  “You never left my side, eh?  That sounds dreadfully boring!  I believe we have a lot of exploring to do!”

Together, Jake and Dirk took off on their new wings, flying off together to explore brand new horizons..

 


	4. Space Wedding - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: dirkjake prompt. dirk, jake, and two other characters are astronauts and they're all on the moon. dirk and jake have been wanting to get married for a while now but it's still not legal in the usa so they're like "fuck it" and the third character is secretly a licensed marriage officiant and the fourth is a legal witness so they literally just get married on the moon and no one can tell them otherwise because it's the moon, bitches.

Zero gravity was undoubtedly the best adventure Jake had ever had!  And that was saying a lot, considering all the adventures he had gone on.  Most of them with Dirk.

“Zero gravity!” Jake exclaimed, jumping across a giant canyon in his space suit.

“You know it’s not technically zero gravity, right?” Dirk’s voice drifted in from over the communications radio.

“Close enough!” Jake laughed and glanced over at his boyfriend while Dirk struggled to place the country’s flag perfectly on the moon. Jake grinned and pressed the communications button. “You know it’s been done before, right?  We don’t even have to put a flag up here.”

“Tell Roxy that,” Dirk grunted back, glancing over at the spunky blonde.  “Is it straight now?”

“Your ass will never be straight, Di-Stri,” Roxy’s voice taunted from over the coms.

“Tell me something I don’t already know,” Dirk grumbled, making Jake laugh.  “I was talking about the _flag_.”

“It’s beautiful, Dirk,” Jane’s voice drifted in from over the coms.  “I know.  I’ve got a perfect view from the cockpit where you left me!  How did I get stuck with this lousy job?!”

“I’ll gladly trade with you next time!” Jake volunteered, frowning when he met with dead silence over the coms.  “Hey, why is everyone being quiet?”

“Jake, let’s just say your strength is out here on the moon exploring,” Roxy said in her all-knowing voice.

Everyone, including Jake laughed a bit at that.  Jake couldn’t deny that he wanted to be out on the surface of the moon anyway.  The trip up had been so boring!  So long!  But it was worth it to be out here!

Besides, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous.  After all, he had something very important planned.  Something that he hoped nobody knew about, though it was hard for him to keep a straight face.

After a day of jumping around the moon with Dirk and Roxy, the three came back to the space station to meet up with Jane and sleep for the next day.

Jake sat by a large window with Dirk, both of them technically drifting in the zero gravity now.  He smiled at the way the light reflecting off the planet softened Dirk’s hair to a platinum blonde.   Dirk reluctantly agreed not to bring any of his hair products with them, knowing they had limited space and that most of his products would be useless anyway.  Jake was secretly glad, because he loved seeing Dirk’s soft hair drifting in the zero gravity.  He loved being able to reach out and touch it.  He would hate it if this were the last time Dirk let him touch his hair like this.

But suddenly, Dirk was touching his cheek very gently, wiping away a stray tear that he hadn’t realized he’d shed.  “Hey, don’t cry.  You know we’ll bring you to the moon anytime.  We’ll fight with whatever NASA throws at us to bring you along.”

Jake smiled, chuckling softly.  “That’s—not it, Dirk.”

Slowly, with a trembling hand, he reached into his pocket.  He had planned this out so differently in his head.  In his head they were on the moon, there were awesome comets flying all around them.  It was fantastic and magical!

But instead, they were sitting together quietly in a small corner of a spaceship, floating by a window while Dirk brushed aside his tears.

Nothing was there to interrupt them as Jake pulled a small white gold band out of his pocket.  “Dirk, I want to be yours forever.  Will you--?”

But before he could even answer, Dirk’s lips were on his, pulling him into a fierce kiss.  Jake’s eyes slid shut as their tongues met and Dirk pressed him against the large window, the only thing keeping them away from the endless space outside.

When Dirk pulled away, there was the happiest smile on his face.  And when Dirk showed him what was in his hand, Jake couldn’t help laughing.

Dirk had a nearly identical matching ring.  “I was trying to think of the best way to ask you,” Dirk admitted.

Both of them shared an awkward moment, where they debated how to give each other their rings.  In the end, they slid the rings on each other’s fingers at the same time, their hands trembling with excitement.

And when they told Roxy and Jane about their new engagement the following day, both women whooped with joy.

“Right now!  Let’s do it right now!” Roxy exclaimed, pulling out papers from her bag.

“Are those really what I think they are?” Dirk asked flatly.

“You betcha!  I’m an officiant, you know!” Roxy proclaimed proudly.  “Ordained by the church of online!”

“The church of online?” Jake echoed disbelieving.

“Hey, I caught that note of disbelief, buster!  Believe it!  It’s a real thing!” Roxy proclaimed, jabbing Jake and Dirk both in the chest.  “Now are we doing this wedding or what?”

“I think we’ve waited long enough,” Jake said, smiling as Dirk nodded back in agreement.

And so, on the little space station out amongst the stars, Roxy wed Dirk and Jake while Jane stood as the official witness.  The couple had waited long enough as boyfriends and were happy to start a new chapter of their lives together.

“So where should we honeymoon?” Jake asked.

“Nobody’s gone to Mars yet,” Dirk offered.  “We could be the first to go.  Pioneers.  A true adventure into the unknown.”

Jake’s eyes lit at the possibility, but then he thought about how long the trip would be.

Dirk laughed, able to tell what was going through his husband’s mind. “Or we could go to Hawaii.”

“Hawaii sounds splendid,” Jake agreed, leaning in to kiss his husband as they both drifted through zero gravity together.  He knew that whatever happened, the rest of their lives would always be an adventure together.


	5. Jake is a Cinnamon Bun - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: Dirkjake. w/ tiny sinnamon bun jake and dirk being a giant mass of muscle at 6'1". Dirk seeing the /sin/ in sinnamon!jake for the 1st time??:o

Dirk’s muscles were pretty awesome.  He was in fact a giant mass of muscle, though he regretted never growing taller than 6’1”.  He wasn’t like, NBA basketball player tall.  His father was famed to be ridiculously tall and cool, and he sometimes wondered what life would be like if he were that tall and that cool.

But Dirk couldn’t dwell on those things all the time. He had a life to live, damn it.  He had to move on with things.  And he had far more important things to do.

Like the adorable little cinnamon bun sitting on his table.

He had come to know Jake for a while now.  The two hit it off immediately, and Dirk greatly enjoyed Jake’s company.

“Oh hey, Dirk!  Golly good weather we’re sporting today!” Jake chirped at him from his perch on the countertop.

“Sure is,” Dirk said, leaning on the countertop and grinning down at Jake.  “Even better now that you’re around.”

“Dirk, that doesn’t make a lick of sense!” Jake exclaimed, laughing.  “But that’s ok, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“What’s that?” Dirk asked.

“I’ve been wondering if… well, if perhaps,” Jake murmured, turning aside and looking away as he hesitated with his words.  He got so flustered around Dirk!  “If perhaps… you want to copulate with me?”

Dirk stared at Jake, his mouth opening slightly.

“I knew it was silly of me,” Jake stammered. “Forget I ever asked.”

“No, baby,” Dirk said, sweeping the beautiful cinnamon bun off the countertop.  “I’ve been waiting forever for you to say it.”

Jake laughed with delight, far too excited to say anything as Dirk swept him off his feet, pulling him into a deep and loving kiss.  He shivered with delight to finally taste Dirk.

Dirk licked his lips, moaning at the sweet creamy taste of his lover.  “So perfect, baby.”

Jake trembled as Dirk ran his fingers gently along his sides, making him quiver with desire and want.  “Oh yes… yes, Dirk!  Please!!  Give it to me!!!” he cried.

Dirk shuddered, finally giving in and unzipping his pants, letting them fall to the floor. He ran his dick along his lover, growing harder and harder as Jake screamed and moaned for him.

“Ahhh!!!” Jake screamed.  “Take me, Dirk! Please, take me!!”

Dirk couldn’t deny his lover anymore, and he pushed his dick straight through the center of Jake’s cinnamon roll goodness.  He gripped Jake’s sides as he thrust in and out of him, growing harder and harder as he came closer to his release.

“DIIIIIRRRRKKKK!!!!!” Jake cried, coming hard and spurting some delicious cinnamon cream all over Dirk’s dick.

Dirk came hard buried inside his lover, adding yet another coat of frosting to Jake’s already perfect décor.

He pulled out, both of them spent, and he cuddled beside Jake on the couch.  He smiled, licking Jake’s delicious cinnamon crème come.  “You taste fantastic, baby.”

“I’ll taste even better with another layer of frosting,” Jake said coyly, ready for another go.

Dirk couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with his cinnamon bun love.


	6. Tiny Steps to Love - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from little-boy-b100: dirkjake where Jake is only three inches tall, dirk knowing he is there is optional

Your grandma always told you not to get involved with the giants.  That one of them literally took your mother away and ground up her bones to make bread!

But ever since you stumbled on the house of Dirk Strider, you haven’t been able to tear your eyes away. Dirk is a beautiful gorgeous creature. 

You are Jake English. You belong to a species of people who are only a few inches tall, unknown to the rest of the giant’s world.  And you are completely in love with Dirk Strider.  There’s only one small problem.

Dirk Strider doesn’t even know you exist.

It’s kind of your fault that he doesn’t know.  You hide yourself away whenever he comes close.  You know all the best ways to make yourself invisible to the giants.  Your grandma is the best at magic, and she gave you the most powerful spells to keep yourself concealed.  She couldn’t bear to think of her grandson becoming prey to the terrible giants!

You finger the amulet she gave you as you think about it.  The jade green amulet hangs around your neck, keeping you invisible in every way from the giant’s world.  Only those of your kind can see you.  Not even mice or bugs, also part of the giant’s world, knows that you’re there.

It’s in this way that you watch Dirk strider for weeks.  The weeks become months.  And before you know it, half a year has gone by.

“Jakey, are you sure obsessing over this giant is a good idea?” your friend Roxy asks, sitting beside you on a high shelf as you both watch Dirk do his hair for the day.  Dirk spends literally hours preening himself every day, half of that on his hair.

“I could watch him all day,” you murmur back dreamily, scooting aside as Dirk reaches for the hair product not far from you.

“Yikes!” Roxy exclaims, scooting further away. “You knew he was going to reach up here and you sat here anyway?!!”

“Dirk won’t hurt me,” you say confidently.  “I just know it.  Even if he knew I existed.  He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t know, the way he’s going at his hair right now is pretty terrifying,” Roxy says doubtfully, watching as Dirk combs hair product through his hair, shaping it relentlessly and mercilessly.

But you don’t feel the same way. Watching him makes you swoon a little.  “He’s so perfect.”

It takes you a while to notice, but eventually you do.  Roxy is staring at you.  Glaring at you.

“What?” you ask.

“Jake English, this is ridiculous,” Roxy says, placing her finger on your chest accusingly.  “You’ve been _pining_ after this giant for _months!_ And you haven’t said anything!”

“Grandma said not to,” you mutter weakly.  You’re so distracted that you don’t notice Roxy wrapping her hand around your amulet until it’s too late.  “Hey what are you—?!”

“Just GO for it, Jake!  I’ll be right here to save you if he tries to eat you!” Roxy exclaims, tearing your amulet off your neck.

You sit there frozen for a few seconds, looking back at Roxy, who gives you an encouraging thumbs up and ducks behind a bottle of hairspray.

You’re completely out in the open.

If Dirk were to look up to where he just reached for his hair products, he would see you.

Dirk would see you. 

Dirk would know you exist.

Your palms grow sweaty as the thought races through your mind.  What will Dirk think?  Will he try to eat you?  Will he grind your bones to make his bread?!!

For minutes, you watch while Dirk meticulously styles his hair, just like always.

Time marches on, slowly, infinitely, while Dirk sculpts his hair perfectly like he does every morning.

And then it happens.

Dirk’s gaze flicks over to the shelf where you’re sitting.

He’s not wearing those sunglasses he always wears right now, so you actually get to see his eyes widen a little when they rest on you.

Your heart is beating wildly.  Out of control.

You’re frozen but you’re ready to run for the hills.  Ready to run back to Roxy and your grandma and never to come back here again.

Just as you start to stand up and escape from Dirk Strider forever, he finally does the first thing to acknowledge your existence.

Dirk Strider smiles at you.  “Hey there, little guy,” he says softly, as if it would hurt you if he spoke loudly.  “I’ve been wondering when you’d show yourself to me.”

Your heart freezes.  “You—you knew?” you stammer.

“Thought I was goin’ crazy at first.  Seein’ shadows out of the corners of my eyes,” Dirk says, moving a little bit closer.  Instinctively, you stand up and scurry away, hiding behind the nearest object.  Immediately, Dirk’s expression grows a little sad and he holds his hands up as if talking to a feral animal.  “I’m sorry—I won’t hurt you.  Please don’t run away.  I’ve been waiting forever to talk to you.”

Slowly, you peek out from behind a container of cotton swabs.  “—how long have you been waiting?  How long did you know I was here?”

“A long time,” Dirk admits.  “You might be invisible to the eye, but everything has a shadow. Even if it’s a small one.”

Dirk knew about you!  All this time he knew!  But he didn’t hurt you.  He didn’t even talk to you.

Dirk waited until YOU were ready to show yourself to him.

You finally dare to walk back out and sit on the ledge again, and you sit down where you were before, your legs dangling over the edge of the shelf.  You don’t know what to say to him, so the first thing that comes to your mind pops out of your mouth, “you don’t have to stop doing your hair because of me.”

Dirk is a little taken back; you can see it in the way his bright orange eyes falter a little. Then a warm smile crosses his face and he reluctantly drags his eyes away from you and back to the mirror.  “I can’t believe you watch me do this every day.”

“I can’t believe you do it every day,” you retort before you can stop yourself.  Dirk flicks a sardonic gaze at you for a brief split second, and you curl in on yourself a little, giggling. 

A few seconds pass in silence before he murmurs, “you seriously just sit there and watch the whole time?”

“I—” you falter, at a loss for words.  You feel the heat rise in your cheeks and all the way up your face, because how are you supposed to tell this beautiful giant man that you adore him? That you love watching him do _anything_?

But before you can dwell on it too long, Dirk is smiling at you again.  “I’m glad.  It’s nice knowing that you were around.”

“It was nice,” you respond softly.  “I like being around you.”

You suddenly realize what you just said and you’re certain your entire face grows red as a tomato.  You don’t miss the small pink flush to Dirk’s cheeks too, or the swift flick of his gaze toward you.

You can’t take it anymore, and you rise quickly to your feet.  “A-anyway!  It was quite nice meeting you, Dirk!  I should go now, really!”

“Wait!” Dirk says, catching you just as you’re about to disappear behind his hair products and whisk away with Roxy.  You turn back around and peek out at him from behind the cotton swabs again.  His expression grows a little sad as he quietly says, “I’m glad I had the chance to meet you.  Even if I never get to see you again.  Would you mind tellin’ me your name?”

Your eyes widen as you realize you never even properly introduced yourself!  “Jake,” you stammer quickly.  “My name’s Jake, and—and don’t worry, Dirk.  I’ll be around.  If you don’t mind me being around, that is.”

Dirk’s expression shifts from one of sadness to one of delight, and you feel happiness blooming in your own chest in response.  “Yeah,” he says softly.  “I’d like that.”

You run away from the bathroom with Roxy, back to your own people.  But it isn’t long before you return to Dirk’s place, on your own this time.

You watch him preen his hair in the morning, but you also watch movies with him. 

You sit on the shelf as he talks to you, and you also sit at his dinner table, trying your best to eat the awkwardly huge pieces of food he made for you.

You grow bold enough to walk onto his hand.  To sit on his shoulder.

You fall even more in love with Dirk Strider.

And you finally tell him that one night, laying on the pillow beside his in bed.  “I love you, Dirk,” you murmur, the palm of your hand circling around the tip of his rough index finger.

You feel his finger twitch, and for a second, you’re worried.  But a second later, you’re filled with insurmountable happiness as he admits, “love you too, Jake.”

You don’t how it’s going to work.  And you know it’s a terrible idea.  Your grandma is going to hate it when she finds out about this!

But you’ll take the challenges.  You and Dirk will face all the adversity together.

You think of that and smile as you fall asleep on the pillow beside him.

 


	7. A Destined Meeting - Incubus!Jake/Demon-hunter!Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: incubus!jake/human!(/hunter?)dirk;)

“I don’t think I’m cut out for this—this _incubus_ thing.”

Your older cousin John eyes you petulantly, as if to say “oh my fucking God we’ve been through this a thousand times!” 

But he doesn’t say that.  Instead, he kneels down beside you, so that his bright blue eyes are level with your own.  He places a hand on your shoulder and gives you a warm smile.  “Now Jake, you have to know I’m not asking the world of you!  Sometimes I think you make things bigger than they are, always looking for the next big adventure.  But I don’t expect or _want_ you to go out there and have sex tonight!  You’re only seven, for fuck’s sake!”

John is chuckling, and you can’t help cracking a smile along with him. 

“That’s better,” he says, ruffling your wild black hair.  “I always say, everyone looks better with a smile!  Now, do you remember what I asked you to do today?”

You nod back at him, feeling more empowered and capable just standing beside your cool older cousin.  “Go to the marketplace, find a human kid my age, and shake its hand.”

“Yes,” John agrees, but in a way that you _know_ you were forgetting something.  “And what will you do when you shake hands?”

“Try to sense the human’s energy?” you take a stab at it.

“That’s right.  Don’t go any farther than that.  Don’t even try taking any energy, that’s too complicated right now.  Stick to the basics,” John lectures you, licking his hand and trying (and failing) to smooth your hair back a little. 

As John ushers you towards the door, you look back at him uncertainly, “are you sure I should go out on my own tonight?”

John gives you a warm smile.  “You’ll be _fine_.  You’re only shaking hands with _one_ human today.”

“What if it’s a demon hunter?!”  you say fearfully as he pushes you closer to the door.

“At your age?  That would be some demon hunter,” John remarks, though he does seem to consider telling you something for half a second.  But before you can ask, he brushes it off and continues, “besides, you’re not going to _do_ anything but shake hands!  And I didn’t even give you a trick-buzzer.  Now go out and get em!”

John shoves you out the door and shuts it tightly behind you.  For a while you stare at the door, but you finally collect your courage and face the outside world on your own.

Slowly, you walk down the familiar alley streets.  Streets that are filled with demons, like you.  Streets where you have no fear of being caught.

Sunlight filters down through the buildings overhead.  The brightness makes you squint a little bit, but that’s all.  You’re so glad you don’t have anything to fear from the sunlight other than a possible headache.  You can’t imagine what life would be like for those poor demons that can’t enjoy the sun!

You distract yourself with thoughts of the sun for a while, but as you grow closer to the marketplace, the trepidation grows in your young mind.  You can’t help wondering if you’ll screw this up somehow.   You’re really _really_ good at that!

But John seemed confident that you could do this.  And why shouldn’t you be?  It’s not like you’ve never fed before!  John’s fed you through hugs plenty of times.

And John’s even come with you while you shook hands with humans on your own, sensing their energy.  This isn’t even a new task!

But being alone makes it so much scarier.  When you reach the marketplace, you shrink back into the shadow of a fruit stand instinctively, trying to be as invisible as possible. You watch the people bustle about with wide frightened eyes, and you’re suddenly worried that you might not fit in somehow.  You check your ears quickly, the only thing that might give you away, but as usual, they’re safely tucked within your mess of dark hair.  And you still have your glasses on, that will dim the color of your eyes into a more human-colored green. 

You’re safe.  You’re ok.  You can do this.

Slowly, you step out from the shadow and look around.

Your eyes land on him immediately.  A blonde haired boy that seems to dislike the sun, hiding his eyes behind strange dark glasses.  But something about him is just _cool_.  He’s only standing in line to buy vegetables, but he exudes confidence and sexiness.   At least, you think it’s sexiness.  You’re trying to think like an adult incubus, damn it!

Sexiness or no, you start walking towards him, and before you know it, you’re standing next to him.

The boy looks you up and down.  He doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t do anything.

He literally just stands there and stares at you.

You rub your hand behind your head, feeling nervous.  “Ah-sorry to be a bother, but I saw you standing in line and I was wondering if I might shake your hand?  It would be really cool, and I think we could be really good friends!”  You blurt out all at once, removing your hand from your hair and sticking it out in between you.  “I’m Jake!”

The boy stares at your hair and then at your hand.  For a while, he doesn’t do anything.

Oh fuck, you’ve screwed this up.  You’ve screwed it up big time, and you’re not sure how, but you’re pretty sure humans aren’t supposed to react like this!

But then, he slowly sticks his hand out too, and grabs yours.  He doesn’t shake it up and down, only holds it steady, as if _he’s_ the one that’s supposed to be sensing _your_ energy.

Oh that’s right!  You remember now.  The reason you’re shaking this boy’s hand in the first place.  You quickly reach out with your soul, attempting to touch his and sense him.

You’re taken aback, because behind the cool calm exterior of this boy, you find a very strange mixture of love and anger and dismay and torment.  It’s so shocking that you actually pull your hand away from him.  “What are you?”  You find yourself murmuring in disbelief.

“I should be asking you the same question,” the boy responds quietly.

“You’re human,” you say bluntly, not even thinking that to a human that would sound weird.

“And you’re not,” he replies.

“How—” you begin, but he cuts you off quickly.

“See that guy over there?” he says, pointing to a tall blonde haired guy standing in another line to buy bread.  “That’s Dave Strider.”

“THE Dave Strider?!” you squeak out, your face paling when he nods. 

You’ve heard about Dave Strider.  Not just from your cousin John.  The famed demon hunter Dave Strider who has taken down EVERY demon he’s ever faced. 

John warned you to run if you ever see him.  Run before he sees you.

“You should leave before he sees you, Jake,” the kid suggests, as if he’s plucking the thought straight from your head.

And that is exactly what you do.  You run for the hills.  And by the hills, you mean you run back home and dive through the window (because it’ll be faster than opening the door) and fly into John’s arms.

“Jake!  What happened?!” John asks, concerned.  You feel him filling you with his warm loving energy as he hugs you.

“Dave Strider,” you manage to blurt out weakly.  John’s hands stiffen on your back.  “The kid I shook hands with pointed him out and said I should go!”

“Oh no…” John murmurs, pulling away and looking at you seriously. “Are you _sure_ you saw Dave Strider?!”

You nod fiercely.  “He’s just like you described.”

John’s eyes widen further as he murmurs, “Jake, you blend in perfectly with humans.”

“I-I don’t see how that’s important!” you insist, feeling yourself fill up with fear.  John looks concerned.  Way more concerned than you thought he would be.

“The only reason someone would have pointed Dave Strider out to you is if they knew you weren’t human,” John explains carefully.  “And the only reason they would know you’re a demon is if they _hunt_ demons.  Nobody else would be gifted enough to sense you.”

You had a million things you wanted to say, but suddenly you’re silent.

“Jake,” John asks.  “Did you shake hands with _Dirk Strider_ , Dave Strider’s younger brother, already known at his age for his ability to track down demons?”

Now that you think about it, the two did look very similar.  They both had the same light blonde hair and pale skin.  They both wore the same dark glasses.  Slowly, you nod.

John immediately whisks you up into his arms and starts carrying you away.  “It isn’t safe for you here.”

“But I don’t think he wanted to hurt me!” you suddenly cry out.  You don’t know why, but you _want_ to see that boy again!  “He was helping me!”

“He was making you his target, Jake!  This is like a _game_ to him!” John shouts. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him get this worked up.

“But—”  You attempt one time too many.

“Nobody escapes alive from them, Jake!” John exclaims seriously.

“But I thought you—” you attempt to talk again, only infuriating John more.

John finally puts you down so he can pull up his shirt.  You see an angry looking jagged reddened scar across his torso.  “Dave Strider gave me this.  I’m the ONLY demon to ever escape him.  And that’s only because—”

You swear John’s eyes tear up a little bit, but he blinks them away quickly.  “If the Striders have moved into town, then we have to move out.”   

John walks through a portal to Derse with you, shaking his head before destroying it behind him.  “I was really starting to like it there too.”

John forces you to stay with your grandma in Derse for a long time. He’s afraid of the Striders, and for a while you are too.

For a while.

John sets up another home for you in another town far away.  As the years pass, you learn how to be an incubus, and you learn how to survive.

But you never forget about the boy you met.  Despite what John said, you still don’t think he wanted to hurt you.

It isn’t until years later, when you’re both adults, that you see him again, wandering the streets of the marketplace in those funny dark glasses while you relax in the shade nearby. 

You wonder if he’s forgotten you.  You kick off the wall with your foot and walk out into the marketplace.

Time to find out.


	8. The Little Things - JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: johndave. dave realizing he's fallen into the darkest pit of adoration (bc john) and john's just waiting there for him like 'you oblivious fuck'

It’s strange, because you always thought this would happen the other way around.  You always thought that _you_ would be the last to fall in love.

But here you are, adoring Dave Strider while he eats a can of fucking soup.  How does _anyone_ look attractive while eating soup?  You don’t know, but somehow Dave does to you.

You wish you could say this is new, but it’s not.  You’ve adored Dave for the better part of 2 years now.  You realized you liked him somewhere in the middle of freshman year of high school. 

Unfortunately, Dave never came to the same conclusion.  Dave was perfectly fine just being best bros.

Until now, that is.

You don’t miss it when Dave’s eyes linger on you just a little bit longer.  When he starts making sure to hold the doors open for you when you go places.  When he starts giving you things that make you smile.  Little Dave things, a cool game that you two can play together.  Or some candy you can share while you watch movies.  Even weird things like a mummified bird he found. 

You laugh and accept his things with a big smile, because you see yourself from two years ago in him.  You recognize the things you were doing when you were first interested in him, and wanted to spend more time with him.

Dave Strider was your good friend in grade school, but you went to different middle schools.  You spent a few years not really seeing him.  And then, you saw him again in high school and had most of your classes with him.

You were sunk.

You couldn’t stop watching Dave from where you sat behind him in math class, or running across the field during gym, or even as he ate his fucking soup at lunch.

And now, finally, Dave’s doing the same thing to you.

It makes you feel warm and giddy inside, though you don’t dare get your hopes too high.  Dave clearly doesn’t know why he’s doing these things yet.  And until he says something to you, you sure as hell aren’t going to say anything to him.

So life goes on this way for a few months.  You finish out the rest of junior year of high school as really close friends.  And it isn’t until one sticky hot summer day that Dave finally says it.

“I like you, John,” he says casually, while you’re both laying backwards on his bed as you take turns trying to play Mario Kart upside down.

You glance over at him, Mario Kart completely forgotten.  You can tell immediately that this is the sign you were waiting for.  This is Dave finally coming to understand all the little things he was doing and realize that he likes you as much as you like him.

You smile and lean over, kissing him on his cheek.  Your smile grows as his cheeks quickly become rosy and flushed with color.  Dave doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t have a snarky comment ready or even an awkward ramble.  He’s just motionless for a few seconds.

When he finally turns to look at you with his eyebrows raised in surprise, you grin at him and explain, “I know.  I was wondering when you would figure it out.”

You scoot a little closer, both of you sitting up on the bed, the controller slipping onto the floor with a thunk that makes you both glance at it quickly and then back at each other.  “I’ve liked you for a long time.  It’s about time you got here.”

Dave doesn’t kiss you back.  You don’t fall into a steamy romance right away, and honestly you think it would scare you both if you did.  But he does hold his hand out, clasping your fingers between his. 

Dave’s older brother walks by his room, not even peeking in, but he murmurs loud enough for you both to hear, “thank fuck, finally.”

You laugh at the embarrassed and somewhat annoyed look on Dave’s face.  “See?  I told you it’s been a while!  Even he knew!”

“Maybe he knew, but that asshole doesn’t get to dictate my life,” Dave grumbles.

“Nope, he doesn’t,” you agree, squeezing his fingers a little and reminding him that you still have your hands together.  “Just you and me.  Now, how about we finish up this game of Mario Kart?  We can put it on reverse mode and play upside down.”

“Sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard,” Dave agrees quickly.  As you both lay upside down on his bed, he quickly leans over and kisses your cheek.

The smile never leaves your face.  Oh yes, this is going to be awkward as hell.  But you know this is exactly what you’ve always wanted.

You can’t wait for the next part of this wild ride together.


	9. Where the River meets the Forest - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: DirkJake prompt. Dirk is a river nymph and Jake is a forest nymph, and they get a little too close. One day, someone else gets really close to Jake and the little nymph turns into a tree because he doesn't really like the person. Dirk. Sad Dirk.

“Have you ever thought of moving outside the forest, Dirk?” Jake asks, lounging on a low-hanging limb over the river.  He holds his hand down to you, smiling as his eyes light with excitement.  “It would be quite the adventure, don’t you think?”

“I’m not the one keeping us here,” you point out, smiling up at him, and taking his hand in your own.  Your legs dangle comfortably in the water, the forces of nature propelling you up so you don’t have to exert a muscle.  You can lounge with Jake all day if you want to, perfectly happy and satisfied. 

And you have for many days.  You’ve lost track of the days you’ve spent just lounging with him, talking to him about everything and nothing.  Jake’s gone on about these adventures as long as you’ve known him.  But as much as he likes talking about adventuring out, he has never left these woods.

Jake is a forest nymph, after all.  His liveliness is in these woods.  You aren’t even sure what would happen to him if he were to leave them.  You suppose the same thing that would happen to you if you left the river.

As a river nymph, you feel most comfortable in the waters of this river.  Though the river’s breadth is far and wide, you never want to leave it.  You used to travel the river in its entirety, from its origin in the mountains all the way down to where it met the ocean.  When you reached the brackish water of the sea, you always wrinkled your nose in disgust and headed back upstream.

But then one day, you met Jake.  Since then, you haven’t been able to pull yourself away from this forest.  You don’t want to leave him. 

“Someday, we’ll go!” Jake declares for the umpteenth time, making you chuckle softly.  He doesn’t miss it, and he pouts at you.  “Oh, laugh all you want, Dirk Strider!  And someday when I’m playing at… what did you say that place was called? Beach?  Someday when I’m playing at Beach, then you’ll be sorry you ever laughed at me!”

“You’ll turn into a tree before you leave these woods,” you laugh at him as he sticks his tongue out at you.

“And you, sir, will turn into… water!”  he attempts.  “That is your natural state, right?”

You shrug at him.  “I haven’t ever had to find out.”  You smile at him and continue to lounge in his company.  As you suspected, several more weeks pass by without Jake making any attempt to leave the forest.

It suits you just fine.  You would do anything to stay with Jake.

You love him.  Jake hasn’t realized it yet, but you do.  And you’re perfectly happy to live out your infinite days here in this forest with him.

And then the unthinkable happens.  You hear the scuffle from your usual place in the river.  You hear the human voices in the forest, their boots crunching up the leaves and hapless creatures underfoot.

You hear Jake shouting loudly, trying to get them to leave him alone.

Instantly, you swim to the edge of the river, placing your hands on its muddy shores.  “Jake!” You shout, but he doesn’t respond to you.  He’s too far away.

You’ll have to leave the river. 

You place your hands on the shoreline again, not even realizing that you had moved them already.  Your breathing quickens and your eyes widen.  The last time you left the river was so long ago.  You were a young river nymph then, and you wanted to explore everything.

But you remember the growing discomfort as you walked away from your river.  You recall how it began to burn the farther you moved from it.  And you remember your desperate struggle to get back to the water, barely making it before collapsing into the stream.

Jake screams again, and you know you have no choice.

You set one foot onto the muddy shore and then the other.  You feel strange, awkward, and naked out of your river, but Jake is in danger.  You have to help him!

“Jake I’m coming!!” You shout, moving towards him.

As you leave the river, you feel increasingly uncomfortable.  You feel the dryness of the land surrounding you, as if it’s coming up to choke you, but you have to move on.

Jake needs you.  You have to get to him!

Finally, you burst into the clearing to find your precious Jake surrounded by humans.  There are at least a dozen of them, surrounding him in a circle.  They’re prodding him with strange looking sticks, chanting at him, goading at him to get him to do something.

You see the moment your poor forest nymph love can’t take it anymore.  Jake finally sees you, his eyes snapping up to yours.  His brilliant emerald eyes grow sad and fill with tears. “I’m sorry Dirk,” he whispers.

It happens so suddenly that everyone, including you, is thrown back in a flash of blinding light.  When you scramble to your feet again, you scream in anguish.

Where Jake was just standing is his tree. 

You can tell without even touching it that it’s Jake.  That these terrible humans did this to him.

You roar with fury, overcome with grief, and you will your hatred on all these humans.  In a great rush, the waters of the river come racing past the bank, through the trees, and descend on everyone in the clearing in a massive tidal wave.

The humans scream and quickly scurry away, frightened for their lives.

You walk through the damp soil, watching as the waters recede back to the river from where you stand, making a tributary branch back for you.  Slowly you walk up to the tree and place your hand on it.  “I’m so sorry Jake… sorry I wasn’t fast enough.”

The tree merely rustles its leaves.  You can’t tell if Jake has even heard you.

“Jake… I love you.”

You lean against the tree and quietly sob. 

Time passes. 

You dig the rest of the way to Jake’s tree, making your river reach him so you can comfortably lay beside him.  For a while, you continue that way, sitting beneath Jake’s shade and talking to him like you used to.

But you grow sad.  You can’t stay this way forever.  Finally, you eye him sadly, placing your hand on his bark.  “Jake…. I have to go.  I’ll be back for you.”

You leave the forest, swimming up to the mountains where your river starts.  You spend time with other river nymphs there.  They tell you not to worry about the forest nymph.  That you belong with your own kind.

But you know nothing else could be further than the truth.  Eventually, you leave them and swim to the mouth of the river, into the brackish waters where your river meets the sea.  You sit on the beach and wish that your forest nymph love could have come with you.

You fall into a great sadness, and you know that you can’t live without him.  So finally, you swim back to Jake’s forest.  You swim up the quiet tributary you made to his tree.

You’ll turn into water here. You’ll give yourself up to the river, like Jake gave himself to the forest.

But when you reach the tree, something catches your attention.

There’s a pod, extending from one of the branches of the tree.

Days pass, and you watch the pod grow and grow.  You stay by Jake’s tree and sleep by Jake’s tree. You don’t dare leave him.

And then one day, you hear quiet laughter and feel hands gently carding through your hair.  You wake up to find him there, sitting on the banks of your river beside his tree.

“Jake?!” you exclaim, scrambling up to a sitting position.

“Yes, Dirk,” Jake says, smiling at you.  “It’s me.”

“But how?” you ask in bewilderment.

“This tree is my life. All of the trees in this forest are my life,” he explains. Your eyes follow Jake’s hand as he gestures to the open pod hanging from the tree. “Sometimes, I just need a little break.”

Your arms are around him before he can say any more.  “Jake, I know we’re different in more ways than we’re the same.  But after that I know I can’t live without you.”

You look meaningfully into his eyes as you say, “Jake, I love you.”

A smile blossoms on Jake’s face as he says back, “I love you too, Dirk.  I heard you.  Heard how sad you were.  It’s why I knew I had to come back.”

You hug him tightly, not willing to let him go.  “I’m so glad you did.”

“I am too,” he says back softly, hugging you back just as tightly.

As time passes, you find that you never need to leave the forest again.  You build yourself tributary tracks all through Jake’s forest, so you can follow him anywhere he wants to go.  You watch over him, and you keep invaders out of his forest. 

You spend the rest of your days with your forest nymph, blissfully happy.


	10. Omegaverse JakeDirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from 01110110-01110110: Omegaverse JakeDirk ;)
> 
> Note: So I had to google what this was but omg. Talk about “sinnabons”.

Jake English is going to be yours.  You don’t care how many others you have to beat down, tear limb from fucking limb.  The first time you laid eyes on him, you knew that he would be yours.

Your mate. Your omega.

But you aren’t the only one who noticed him.  Hundreds of other Alphas have their eyes on him too.  And somehow, Jake has managed to evade every single one of you.

He’s wily like that.  He’s beautiful and he’s perfect.  He’s everything that you crave and need.

As soon as he went into heat, Jake climbed high up on a tree, letting his scent waft through the valley and fields.  The alluring scent draws every alpha from hundreds of miles to this point, including you.

Jake sits on a tree limb watching from above while you and three other alphas fight.

“Fuckin’ Dave!  He’s MINE!” You roar at the other alpha, who happens to be your brother.

Dave fights you viciously, giving you one of the biggest struggles that you’ve ever faced, but you manage to non-lethally beat him, tossing him away.

But your task isn’t over yet.  You see several other alphas in the distance, drawn to Jake as you were by his scent. 

Jake’s in heat, after all.  Any alpha from miles around will be coming for him.

You look up at where he’s perched in the tree, and his eyes fall on you softly. “Wanna be yours, Jake,” you tell him quietly, for his ears alone.

Jake smiles at you and replies, “I’d quite like that too.”

So you beat them back, one by one.  Eridan, Equius, Karkat, Sollux, John, and several others. You even defeat Caliborn, the biggest beefiest Alpha you’ve ever tackled.

When it comes to your combat skills, nobody holds a candle to you. 

And finally, after what seems like an eternity, it’s done. You’re covered in the blood of your enemies and laying exhausted at the base of the tree.

Finally, _finally_ , Jake descends from his perch in the tree and lays beside you.  “I knew it’d be you,” he says quietly, licking a bit of your face clean of blood.

Jake’s lips meet yours softly and tenderly, kissing away your pain.  “My alpha.”

Despite the exhaustion from fighting, your dick is hard and knotted, ready for him.  Jake doesn’t resist as you gently take him in your arms from behind, kissing the back of his neck as you slide your dick into his self-lubricated ass.  He’s already ready for you, as if he was anticipating this and preparing himself all day.

As you two make love beneath the tree among the blood of your enemies, you make a promise to him.  That he’ll always be your prized omega.  That you’ll take care of him forever, guard him and love him and cherish him.

Jake will always be yours, and you will always be his.


	11. The Man Who Left His Shades On- JohnDave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Anon: Dave ironically calls dirk daddy, and roxy jumps in saying that jake called dirk that last night And jake shouts from the back " oh christ mr. 'I will leave my shades on'!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to figure out how these two sentences fit together, especially into one sentence. I couldn’t.

Dave slowly pressed John into the couch, tracing his thumb across his lower lip.  He almost graced the world with a smile as John darted his pink tongue out, licking the tip of his thumb.  He finally couldn’t hold back a chuckle as John said, “I’m going to do that to your penis.”

“That’s all you’re gonna do?” Dave asked, leaning the rest of the way in and kissing John sweetly on his lips.  He straddled his boyfriend on the couch,  getting himself comfortable in his John’s lap. When John playfully nodded, he growled, “always, _always_ a fuckin’ tease. ”

John moaned back softly, ever so subtly pressing their not-quite arousals together.

Dirk, unfortunately used to this scene in his house, walked by and flipped Dave in the back of his head. “Get a room.  You know, like the one you have literally 9 feet away?”

“Whatever, _Daddy_ ,“ Dave rolled his eyes, not about to let his stupid older brother spoil things with John.  Not that John seemed to be bothered at all.  John was wiggling ever so slightly underneath him, moving his hips in a way that slid their now-definite arousals together.

Roxy popped her head out from the kitchen, a bottle of sparkling cider in her hand.  “That’s what Jake called Dirk last night!”

Jake shouted back from another room, “Oh Christ Mr. “I will leave my shades on’!”

“No,” Dirk cried, running over and covering Jake’s mouth.  “Don’t speak his name!”

But it was already too late.

The Kool-Aid man bust through the walls, wearing shades.  “OH YEAH!!!”

Plaster and dust showered everything.  The electric circuitry in Dirk’s house began to overload, causing every electric powered device to suddenly burst into flames.

“My turntables!” Dave cried as they burst into the fires of hell beside him, melting the side of the couch he and John were sitting on.

Roxy shrieked as the ceiling light, the refrigerator, the toaster, the oven, and the dishwasher all exploded into flames beside her.

Jake fired his pistols as Dirk’s smuppets began exploding one by one in Dirk’s bedroom.

The Kool Aid man tried to pour his kool aid all over and put out the fires, but it was too much.  

Disaster had struck forever.


	12. A Sheepy Kingdom - DirkJake (Drama/Crack?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from m1sosazai: dirkjake where dirk is the sheep and jake is the shepherd.

Dirk raised his sheepy head, looking towards the rising sun.  The wind ruffled his wool as he gazed watchfully.

Today was not a day of happily frolicking in the fields with Jake.

Today there would not be rest.

Today there would be war.

He hastened to Jake’s side, ready to warn him of the invasion by the Goat King when suddenly the goat army was upon them!

“The bastards!” Jake cried. “They hid in the tall-grasses overnight!!”

“Quick, Jake!” Dirk bleated, collecting Jake safely up into his sheepy wool.  “We have to get out of here!”

He clomped away with Jake on his back, holding onto his soft downy wool tightly as he ran back for aide.  This wasn’t the first attack from the Goat King.  The dreaded king had his eyes on their sheepy kingdom for a long time, and up until now, they had been able to repel his attacks.

But now the scoundrel had gone too far.

The goat minions were upon them, nipping at Dirk’s sheepy coat as he ran.  Jake fired his pistols with one hand, clinging to Dirk with another.  But it seemed every goat he took down was replaced by another.

“We have to get you out of here, Jake,” Dirk said, beating down two more goats with his front hooves.  “You aren’t safe in the kingdom anymore.”

“But Dirk, I can’t leave your side!” Jake cried, holding onto Dirk’s sheepy neck tightly as tears spilled from his eyes.  “Dirk I— I love you!”

“Jake,” Dirk murmured, finding himself renewed with passion and vigor!  He spun around and charged right back at the Goat King.  He bleated loudly, “GOAT KING!!! SHOW YOURSELF!!!”

And suddenly he was there.  Standing with his golden crown and scepter.

The Goat King.

“You won’t get away this time, Goat King,” Dirk promised lowly.  “I will end you here and liberate my sheepy kingdom once and for all!”

As Dirk roared his battle cry loudly in the air, the other sheep of his kingdom rose up around him, attacking the goat invaders!  While the flames of battle raged all around them, Dirk took on the Goat King alone.

The battle was fierce.  Blood splattered on Dirk’s hooves, getting on his fine sheepy wool and also on Jake.  But Dirk was determined to keep Jake safe.  He wouldn’t let harm come to him any longer.

Dirk bleated loudly as he headbutted the Goat King and beat him with his hooves.  The Goat King put up a tough fight, but in the end Dirk was victorious.

“Your king is dead!” Dirk cried to the remaining goats.   “I am now your leader!”

The goats looked forlornly at their defeated king, but they proclaimed their allegiance to Dirk.

“You must swear never to traffic illegal drugs again,” Dirk decreed to the goats.

The goats mournfully agreed.

“The day is saved!” Jake cried, kissing Dirk happily.  “I love you so much, Dirk! I knew you could beat him!”

Dirk melted into the kiss, licking Jake with his sheepy tongue. “I love you too, Jake.”

And together, they ran off into the sunset, many more happy days ahead of them.


	13. The Notebooks - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from esmeblaise : Dirk has a notebook full of drawings of Jake and Jake finds it

You always wondered what would happen if he ever found them.  But you swore to yourself that he never would.  You were meticulous about your notebooks. 

You filled pages and pages of your notebooks with drawings of him from where you sat in the back row of your math class.  You tried to tell your school that math classes were a joke to you.  That you had already completed far more complicated mathematics on your own, including building your own robotics.

But they told you that you HAD to complete four math classes to officially graduate from high school.

You were never so happy that they did.

Every year, you made sure to sign up for the exact same math class he took.  You melded your entire schedule to his, finding that you enjoyed watching him and drawing him far more than anything else in the world.

You already knew what you wanted to do for a living.  You were going to build your famed robotics, and already several companies had their eye on you.

But you had turned them all down, telling them that you had to graduate high school first.

It’s not that you cared about high school at all.  You cared about him.

Jake English.

Your crush since forever.  You don’t think he knows about your crush.  That it’s actually far more than a crush.

You’re in love with Jake.  You’ve been in love with him for years.

And it shows in your notebooks.  Admittedly, you don’t have any time to draw him in your pottery class together, but in every single other class, you find the time to doodle him into your notebooks. 

You draw Jake as he sits at his desk, chewing the cap of his pen as he listens with rapt attention in film making class. 

You draw him drooling as he sleeps through a video in history.

You even draw him in a tiny notepad you keep in your pocket while you both wait sitting on the floor in gym class.

And as you sit, doodling him while he gives a presentation in speech class, the thought finally crosses your mind.  The sad thought that it’s your senior year.  And after this, you may never see him again.

Jake wants to have a life adventuring, and you’re not about to tell him no.   Jake’s dreamed of it his entire life.

And as for you, you’re fairly certain that you’re going to work for one of the largest engineering companies in the world, building robots for them that can do anything.

You’ll be stuck with a desk job while Jake wanders the world.

Nothing could make you sadder.

Your graduation comes and goes, and Jake still hasn’t found your notebooks.  He still doesn’t know about your love for him.

But he’s excitedly filled you in on everywhere he’s going to go.  On everything he is going to see and do.

And it’s on one of these late nights, lounging in your room as he tells you these things that you get sloppy.

You left your little travel notebook in your pocket, and when you fell asleep as he talked, he finally got bold enough to see what it was you always carried in your pocket.

You awoke to him hugging you with tears in his eyes.  “Dirk…. Oh God Dirk…”

“Hmm?” you murmur sleepily.

He shows you the tiny notebook, and your heart sinks.  “Dirk,” he asks slowly, his eyes still shining with tears.  “Do you—?”

“Yeah,” you respond, with a deep regret filled sigh.  “I love you, Jake.”

It seems like an eternity passes as you wait for him to respond.  And when he does, his voice is so quiet you almost miss him say the most important words you’ve ever heard. “I love you too.”

He climbs into the bed with you, and hugs you as the tears continue to fall down his cheeks.  “I’m—I’m so sorry—I never—never thought you wanted me too.  I already told those people I’d scout out the rainforest for them and—”

“I know,” you respond gently.  And even though you don’t fully believe the words yourself, you tell him, “It’s going to be ok.  I already took a job too.  I’ll text you every day. We’ll write letters to each other when you don’t have reception.”

And somehow, though you didn’t believe it would happen, it does.

Every day, you text each other.  Jake sends you pictures of the fantastic places he’s traveled to.  You send him pictures from your old notebooks and some new ones you’ve drawn.

Time passes.

You see him in your daily text messages.

You write him letters, some of which you know never reach him.

And when you’re lucky, you get the occasional phone call.

You know the time will come when you see him again.   When you can actually be together again.

Until then, you seal another envelope with another picture you drew of him inside.  Your old notebooks are starting to look a little bare now, since you’ve sent so many of your pictures to him.

You like to imagine that by the time you send them all to him, he’ll be back.

You hope you’re right.


	14. JohnDave Nurse/Patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from catchmeiimfalliing: person A is a nurse or doctor or smth and person B's gotta get a shot for whatever reason and they're freaking the fuck out, so person A comforts them and maybe flirts a bit to calm them down, eh? *wonk* either DirkJake or JohnDave and doesnt matter who's who~ love all your fics btw ^_^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have a title for this, and it's definitely been the HARDEST of the prompts to write so far. Don't ask why, it just was. Anyway, hope someone out there enjoys it!

“Fuckin’ Bro and his fuckin’ shitty swords,” Dave swears, looking around the parking lot like a nervous creature as he holds a hand to his leg protectively.  He usually remembers the refrigerator full of swords.  And even if he doesn’t, his reflexes are usually fast enough to dodge them all.

Turns out giving his best friend John an ironic as fuck piggy back ride slowed him down a little bit.  (Because it’s totally normal for two guys in their twenties to give each other piggy back rides.  Totally.) And John wasn’t accustomed to the Strider custom-filled fridge just yet.  When he reached for the handle and swung open the door to grab a cold soda, Dave managed to dodge enough so John didn’t get hit.

Dave wasn’t so lucky.

It’s not that the sword really hurt him.  He barely felt it.  But it was old, it was shitty, and it drew blood.

As soon as John saw the rusty sword and the fresh blood, he immediately dragged Dave to an urgent care center.

“Why do I have to go?” Dave insisted for the thousandth time.  “It’s not even bleedin’ anymore.”

“When was the last time you had a tetanus shot?” John asked, whirling on him and eyeing him down with those bright blue eyes.

Dave swallowed, falling victim to those beautiful baby blues as usual. “Must’ve been—shit I don’t know.  I think I had shots when I was a kid?”

“Every ten years, Dave,” John informed him casually, pulling him out of the car and into the urgent care center where he worked as a nurse.  “You have to get a tetanus shot every ten years.  If you don’t know, then you have to get one!”

“But—,” Dave attempted weakly.

“No buts!  I’m not letting you get sick and die!” John said, forcing Dave through the doors and into the waiting room.  It didn’t take John long to get Dave checked in and to get everything ready.  He even offered to give Dave the shot himself so that they wouldn’t have to wait for anyone.

But it wasn’t until they were in the sterile little patient room in the back, and John was preparing the needle that he finally noticed it.

Dave was shaking.  He was even paler than usual, his mouth drawn into a tight line.

Concerned, John came over to Dave’s side, laying a hand on his shoulder.  He frowned as Dave instinctively flinched.  “Dave—are you ok?”

“Had to be needles, didn’t it?” he asked rhetorically, his voice quieter than usual.  “Fuckin’ hate needles.  Can’t stand them.  They’re like tiny little torture chambers ready to bring the pain.  Look out, here it comes, better hope it doesn’t miss and bring the death too. Rather suffer through your precious Nic Cage movies a thousand times than this.”

“Dave,” John said quietly, calmly.  He sat down beside his best friend, gently running his thin piano fingers down his arm, to his neck, and down his back.  “Relax, Dave. It’s not going to kill you.  The sword hurt more than this will, I promise.  And it’ll only take a second!”

“Can’t—can’t—!”

“Shhh, yes you can,” John said, gently drawing his arms around Dave to try and calm down his trembling.  He spoke to Dave in calming and gentle tones, trying to will his own sense of calm onto him.

And somehow, even though he didn’t have any magical powers, it seemed to work.  Slowly, Dave’s breathing calmed, and his trembling stopped.  They sat together, embracing gently for a long time. To John, the time didn’t matter at all.

He would do anything for Dave.  And if this small amount of physical affection could help him this much, he would gladly give it and more.

For Dave, he would do anything.

“Ok,” Dave finally murmured.  “Ok, I think—think I’m good.  Think I can do this.”

“I _know_ you can do this,” John said, pulling away to smile at him warmly.

After Dave’s trembling stopped, giving him the shot was easy.  It only took a couple seconds, and then he was putting the band-aid on his arm.  “There, not so bad, right?”  John asked, smiling at him warmly.

“Nobody hears about this,” Dave murmured sullenly, an embarrassed flush across his cheeks.  “Especially not Bro.”

“I won’t tell Bro,” John promised, immediately thinking of all the alleged cameras in Dave’s apartment.  “But somehow I think he already knows.”

“Yeah, he probably does. Fuckin’ Bro,” Dave growled.  “And his—”

“—his fuckin’ shitty swords,” John said along with him, imitating Dave’s accent.  When Dave scowled up at him, ready to make up some long and rambling retort, John couldn’t help leaning in and kissing that scowl off his lips. 

Dave looked back at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

“Sometimes you really need to shut up,” John explained, laughing and turning aside to hide the flush in his cheeks.

When they left the clinic, John didn’t know what he’d started.  Maybe nothing.  But he hoped it wasn’t nothing.  He hoped that this would be the small and peculiar start to something wonderful.

 


	15. Photographs - DirkJake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Jakey-kun: DirkJake. Meeting for the first time in real life, the only pictures they have of each other were taken when they were 11. They're now 19 (If it's possible?)

Jake’s palms were sweaty, nervous from the anticipation of finally meeting him.

The plane had landed, finally bringing him to the mainland, and people were starting to disembark.  Of course, he was stuck in the cheap seats in the back.  He had all that much longer to wait as people gathered their overhead luggage slowly and moved bloody nowhere!

Dirk said he’d be here.  Said he would come to meet him when he told him his flight information.  That he’d bring balloons and a giant welcome sign and make it “ironic as fuck.”

While Jake wasn’t so crazy about all that attention, he would deal with it to meet him finally.  After years of talking, he would finally get to meet the guy he’d fallen in love with over messenger.

And not even good messenger.  They had AOL instant messenger, back before it could send pictures.  His computer was so ancient that it couldn’t support any other systems.  His grandmother had set it up long ago, supported by solar power during the day and a back-up generator at night.  And living practically alone on a deserted island, it was nearly impossible to get any other communications.

It wasn’t that he was exactly ALONE, per say, but he wasn’t interested in talking to the ancient people that came to visit the island.  Tourists.

He had avoided the tourists for years as a child, and settled for speaking with Dirk online.  Talking to Dirk made him feel safe.  Made him feel happy.  And Dirk was always there for him.  It seemed any time he logged onto his messenger, Dirk was there, waiting to talk to him.

He smiled, thinking about it.  He could tell when Dirk was sleeping.  When it took a few seconds before TimaeusTestified would respond with a sleepy “sup?”  But Dirk always woke up for him.  Always wanted to talk to him.

It made him think that there was a small chance Dirk loved him back.

That thought gave him the courage to start approaching the tourists.  To start carrying their bags for an extra dollar or two. 

One friendly elderly couple recognized him after a while.  They had conversations with him.  When he explained that he was saving money to visit his only friend, they had fallen for his story.  There was no room left on the plane this time, but they had promised to take him back with them next time.  That in the meantime, they would bring something back to the mainland and mail it to Dirk when they reached home.

Jake was overjoyed.  He quickly threw together a box of things.  A bottle of sand from his island.  A few treasures he had collected adventuring (mostly seashells and shiny rocks at the age of 11). 

He bit his lip as he held onto a recent polaroid picture of him that he had asked those very same tourists to take.  Did he dare throw it in the box too?

The kind elderly couple insisted that his friend would want to see him, and Jake threw it in the box.  He waved to the couple as they left.

Jake waited for their return, adventuring for long hours just to burn his excited energy away.  The elderly couple visited every couple months or so, so it shouldn’t be long before they’d be back!  It shouldn’t be long before he could finally see Dirk!

But a couple months went by and there was no sign of the couple.

Jake had wanted to keep his visit a secret to Dirk until he was there, but as time passed, his heart began to sink further and further.

Six months passed by before anything happened.  One day, as he waited for the people to get off the plane as usual so he could carry their bags for tips, the pilot approached him, carrying a box. 

“Are you Jake English?” The pilot asked, a strange and somber look on his face.

“Yes?” Jake replied with trepidation.

“I see.  This is for you,” he said, handing Jake the box with an envelope attached.

Jake couldn’t bear to carry bags for tips when this mysterious box was sitting in his hands.  He ducked into the shade of a nearby tree and opened the envelope first.

What he read inside made his heart sink into the deepest pits of despair.  The husband of the elderly couple had passed away shortly after their return trip.  The wife had been beside herself with grief, but after some time she delivered Jake’s package herself.  Dirk had given her one in return, and she had sent it in her stead back to the island.  Without her husband she couldn’t bear to go back again.  And without her husband, she didn’t have the money to go anyway.

She apologized in the letter, for the fact that she would have to break her promise.  She couldn’t bring Jake to the mainland to meet his friend.

Jake cried beneath the tree for an hour straight.  Then he ran home and cried for another. 

He had only felt pain like this when he lost his grandmother two years ago.  When he had had to learn the hard way that he would be eating the fish he caught out of the ocean and the fruit he harvested from the trees every day. That there would be no more baked pies or candied yams, because he didn’t know how to make any of that.

And now, he had lost Dirk.  The one person in his life that he was starting to think he loved.

A day passed before he finally opened the box. There were a few robots inside, and a funny looking plush doll.  But what really struck him was a glossy photograph of someone he _knew_ was Dirk.  He ghosted his fingers across the glossy image, then placed it in front of all his most valuable treasures on his desk.

He was GOING to visit Dirk!  He was GOING to make it happen, no matter what it took!

It was eight years before he finally collected enough money in tips to afford the flight to the mainland.  He didn’t have enough to get himself back. 

Jake looked around his small home, knowing that he would likely be saying goodbye to it forever.  Knowing that if somehow he was mistaken about Dirk, that if Dirk didn’t actually love him, that he would be absolutely screwed.

And FINALLY, the blasted passengers sitting in first and business class of the plane had moved their big fat arses out of his way!  It was finally HIS turn to take his overhead luggage, his precious few belongings, and make his way out of the plane.

He waved to the pilot, who smiled and nodded in recognition.  Then he slowly made his way down the walkway with the other passengers and through the terminal to the main part of the airport.

What did Dirk even look like anymore?  He only had a picture from eight years ago to go off of.  Did he still have the same platinum blonde perfect hair?  Did he still think wearing those triangular shades was cool?

Was Dirk Strider ACTUALLY standing there holding balloons and a giant ironic as fuck sign saying “Welcome Jake English”???

Yes.  Yes he was.

A small happy cry bubbled from Jake’s lips as he laid eyes on the man who was unmistakably Dirk and ran over to meet him.

Before Jake even reached him, Dirk let the balloons go into the sky and dropped the huge sign, instead holding out his arms and catching him in a big hug.

“How did you know it was me?” Jake asked quietly, his voice wavering as he hugged Dirk even tighter.  Dirk was more muscular than his eleven year old picture.  He was strong enough to pick him up off the ground as they embraced. He smelled like soap and hair products, but he also had his own natural scent that Jake immediately loved.

“I’d recognize you anywhere,” he murmured back, his voice a deep low rumble that made electricity travel up his spine and fuzz out any coherent thought from his brain. 

Eventually Dirk put him down, and they stopped hugging in the airport, in favor of standing back a little and looking at each other.  Despite just meeting Dirk for the first time, Jake knew he had made the right choice.  Still, he felt like finally telling Dirk what was at stake.  “I can’t go back, you know.”

“Never want you to,” Dirk responded quickly, taking Jake by the hand.  He threw one of Jake’s bags over his shoulder and lead him down the street.  “C’mon, let’s get outta here.  Not much for crowds, and you’ve got a new home to see.”

As Jake left the airport with Dirk, happiness blossomed inside him like he had never known.  Gone were the days of living on an island alone.  He had no idea what life would be like here on the mainland, but with Dirk, he knew that anything would be possible.

 


	16. His human sacrifice - Naga!John/human!Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from little-boy-b100: In which john is a hungry naga and he spots the hapless human dave

It had been a while since he had come to the mortal land.  He had only been here once, when he was a child and his wild and adventuring cousin Jake had brought him.  His dad had been furious.  Who brought a five year old naga child to the moral realm?!

John had been under close watch since then, and his father had kept him locked inside the house at all times, never letting him set foot outside near the mortals again.

But eventually, John grew up. He came to the age that all nagas came to, when he HAD to visit the mortal realm.  He had reached the age where he needed a sacrifice and hungered for mortal blood.

His dad waited it out.  Brought him scraps from the mortal realm to sate his hunger, but it only did so much.  Mortal flesh didn’t last long in the demonic realm, and by the time it reached John’s hungry mouth, all that remained was well-done and charred.

His dad couldn’t keep him inside any longer.

Reluctantly, he let John free into the mortal realm again, but not without the guidance of his cousin Jake.

Jake took his hand and pulled him into a hug before they breached the mortal realm again.  “John, your father mustn’t know, but I’m going to let you free when we get to the other side.  You have to be free to adventure.  To do what it is YOU were meant to do!  But before you go, I have to show you a trick.”

John blinked in surprise as Jake ran his serpentine tail along his body, transforming his powerful snake-like body into that of a human.  All limbs.  Soft.  Fleshy.

John jumped with excitement and tried to slither away, only to promptly fall flat on his face.  Jake transformed himself and laughed, picking John up.  “Now now!  Take it easy, buster!  Here, let me show you.”

Together, they practiced walking. John still felt unnatural doing it, but with Jake’s guidance, he got the hang of it.

“Ok! I think that’s it!” Jake affirmed, pulling John through a portal to the mortal realm.  “Go find your first sacrifice!”  He said cheerfully, pushing John towards a nearby village.

He didn’t even reach the village before he stumbled on him.  A blonde haired human wearing peculiar dark glass over his eyes.  John stepped out from the trees and stared at the human.

The human stared back.

He stared at the human longer.

The human continued to stare back.

And finally, the human spoke.  “You must not be from around here.”

“Yes I am,” John immediately said defensively.  “I’m from right over there.”

“No you’re not,” the human said.

“Yeah, I am!” John growled back again.

“No you’re not,” the human once again said.

“Yeah I am!” John insisted!

The human sighed and gestured at him. “Look, people don’t just run around naked.  It’s like shouting to the world that you’re a newbie from the demon realm come looking for a mortal sacrifice or something.”

“No I’m not,” John answered defensively.

“Holy fuck you are,” the human said, his eyes widening and his eyebrows lifting over his glasses.  “Look, you don’t wanna eat me. I’m not tasty at all. All scraggly and limbs.”

“All humans are scraggly limbs,” John pointed out smartly.

“Not my older bro. He’s a beefcake and way more delicious than me.  Go eat him,” the human said.

John thought about it.  Debated.  Then, he laughed. 

He liked this human.  He wanted to keep him around. 

“I guess I’m not that hungry,” he decided.  “I won’t eat anyone.”

“For real?” the human asked.

“For real,” John responded, not really sure what that phrase meant.  “But… I do need to be around humans for a while.  Could I stay with you if I promise not to eat anyone?”

The human stood in silence and stared at him for a long LONG time.

Finally, he sighed.  “Dude, that’s a really tall order.  Do you know what you’re askin’ me?   It’s like sayin’ ‘hey I’m a killer and kind of want to eat you and everyone you know but just take my word I’m not gonna do it even though you don’t know me at all.  Oh yeah, and by the way I want to live with you.’”

John didn’t see the problem with that.  “Yes.”

The human shook his head of blonde hair, muttering something about regretting his decision under his breath.  Then, he looked up at him. “Ok, fine.  You’re hot so you can stay.  But only if you eat my older brother instead of me.”

John grinned.  “Deal.  Now tell me your name.  I’m tired of thinking of you as ‘the human.’”

The human grinned back.  “It’s Dave.”

John smiled and took Dave’s hand, almost certain he saw a tiny flush rise to Dave’s cheeks when he did so.  “All right. Let’s go to your home.”

“Let’s get you some clothes first.”


	17. Dance of Love - Ostrich!Dirk/Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Sachi-sama: Ostrich Dirk sees Jake and does an enticing dance for him!

There was something so marvelous and alluring about humans.

They were just so—pretty. 

Far more attractive than other ostriches, that was for certain.

Dirk thought about this as he slowly stalked around the wild savanna.  The grass at the tips of his ostrichy feet waved around in the dry arid wind, ruffling his feathers in a pleasantly comfortable way.

It was no secret that Dirk was in love with humans.  Particularly, human males.  Females were nice too, but males—there was just something extremely appealing about them.

Sadly, it had been weeks since he had even caught a glimpse of a human, female or male. The other ostriches were starting to get worried about him.

“Hey, Dirk, not that it’s really my business,” Nepeta said solemnly. “But don’t you think that it’s about time you started dating other ostriches?  You’re getting to that age. I know a bunch of eligible bachelorettes that would love to get a peek at your feathers!”

“You’re right, it isn’t your business,” Dirk scoffed at her, shaking his noodly ostrich head back and forth.  When he saw her hurt expression, he sighed and said, “thank you, Nepeta, but no.  I have to forage my own path in life.”

Sadly, Nepeta nodded and left him in peace. 

Dirk stayed alone for a few days more.  He was about to lose hope of ever meeting another human again when suddenly a lone figure loomed on the horizon.  It was coming his way, holding onto what looked like a rifle and running for dear life.

“Please Mr. Tiger!!! I don’t want to shoot you!!!” the dark haired human screamed, running faster than Dirk thought human could run while a wild tiger chased him.

The human was beautiful.   More perfect than any other.

Dirk knew in that instant, that he HAD to have this human.  He charged forward at a daring 45 miles per hour and raised his sharp razor-like talon, slashing at the tiger’s face.

The tiger roared in fury and batted his claws at Dirk!  But Dirk gave an ostrichy war-cry and pecked at the tiger, distracting it so he could slash at it again with his talons!

Bloodied and battered, the tiger roared and ran away.

“Good golly!  I never thought I’d be saved by an ostrich!” the human said, smiling at him in a way that was marvelously beautiful.  He reached forward with his hand. “I’m Jake English!”

Dirk really didn’t know what to do.  He assumed Jake English wanted to shake his hand, like he had seen other humans doing?  But he didn’t have any hands?

Instead, Dirk decided to pull out his trump card. 

He would do the most _enticing_ of dances that couldn’t be refused by _anyone_!

Dirk got down low to the ground in front of Jake, and started flapping his majestically feathered wings at him, one wing at a time in a wave-like motion.  He leaned his head back from side to side, giving his wings full propulsion and speed, so that Jake could see how magnificent his feathers were and how beautiful his wings were.  Dirk was more beautiful than other ostriches. Not that he was conceited or anything, but Dirk knew he was.

It took Jake’s breath away.  The beautiful human gasped and stared at him with awe while Dirk danced for him for half an hour.

After his dance, Dirk finally got up, and he wasn’t shocked when Jake embraced him around his thin ostrich neck.  “I love you!  Let’s ride off into the sunset together!”

And so they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd-ueLAgIQU)!


	18. Time to mate - Lobster!Dirk/human!Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from Sachi-sama: Lobster Dirk decides it's time to allure his human Jake into mating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have lobster triggers, I'd suggest not reading this one. Just sayin'.

 

Life had been good for Jake.  Really REALLY good.  He still couldn’t believe that such a fine specimen of half-lobster half-human like Dirk could ever be interested in a puny full-human like him. 

Jake still angsted wistfully into the night about it often.  How he wished he had strong lobster claws too!  And beautiful eye antenna!  And how he longed to _scuttle!_

But every time Jake angsted, Dirk would scuttle over, collect Jake up in his big lobster claws, and pull him into a hug.

“You’re the only guy for me,” Dirk whispered into his ear again, making Jake swoon.

Jake swooned all the way home, riding on Dirk’s back as he scuttled off into the night.

But unbeknownst to Jake, Dirk had decided it was high time to lure his human into mating.  Which was saying something, considering he was a male lobster.  Usually, females courted the males!  But since both of them were male, there had to be a little give and take.

But what could Jake possibly like?  Would Jake be into the same things that Dirk found attractive?  Or would he look at him like he was weird and never want to talk to him again?

Would Jake scoff at him for his efforts?  And then scoff away into the sunset?!!

Dirk lamented, falling against a nearby rock as he contemplated this delicate predicament.

Meanwhile, Jake had finished swooning and had decided it was high time to allure his sexy hunk of half-lobster into mating.

But would Dirk even be attracted once he saw exactly what his body looked like without his clothes?  Would Dirk laugh at him for his puny fully human body?

Would Dirk scoff at him for his lack of lobstery parts?  And then scoff away into the sunset?!!!

Jake lamented, falling back against his bed and weeping away his sorrows.

And so it went for several more days.  Both Dirk and Jake desperately long to mate with each other.  They knew that they were the only man and half-lobster man for each other.

Finally, one day, Dirk decided to go for it.

Dirk was tired of this game of ring around the rosey!  He was through beating around the bush!

It was time to allure Jake into mating!

Slowly, he scuttled over to Jake.  “Hey, Jake,” he murmured softly, coming closer to his boyfriend.

Jake held his breath, trembling because somehow he _knew_ that this was it.  Dirk was going to woo him in the way all lobsters wooed each other.  And after that... Dirk was going to mate with him.

“Y-yes, Dirk?” he stammered, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Jake was already growing hard, just from the thought of mating with him.  He wanted so much to rub against Dirk, to mate with him!

Dirk’s breathing quickened.  He stepped closer to Jake, so close he could _smell_ him.

Jake reached a trembling hand out, daring to touch one of Dirk’s perfect massive claws.

This was it.

_This was it!_

Dirk took a deep breath—

—and scuttled a little to the left.  He scuttled a little to the right.

Dirk waved his eye antenna around in a circular motion enticingly.

Jake grew harder and harder as he watched Dirk scuttle around him, clicking his claws and brushing his antenna against his skin seductively.  When Dirk brushed against his hardness with his tail, Jake came immediately, panting softly and holding onto Dirk tightly as he released. “D-Dirk!!  Ahhh!!”

But Dirk didn’t stop there.  He began fanning his tail flippers, circling around Jake and flicking all over his hairy legs lightly with them.

Jake was in heaven. He loved being surrounded by Dirk.  He finally leaned in and kissed his boyfriend, whispering harshly, “mate with me.”

“First you’ll have to shed your shell,” Dirk said, gently using his pincer-like claws to help remove Jake’s clothes.  When they were all in a pile around him, he took a moment to appreciate his boyfriend’s nude body. 

Jake blushed shyly, his dick bare for Dirk to finally see, semi-aroused already and still dripping with his release.  “Do you—like what you see?”  He asked softly.

“You’re so beautiful,” Dirk breathed out softly in awe.  “So perfect.”

“R-really?” Jake stammered.  “I was so worried… I’m not lobster at all.  I’m so much weaker than you. I thought—”

“You’re perfect Jake,” Dirk murmured, kissing him lovingly.  “Will you mate with me?”

He felt a giddy rush of excitement as Jake nodded furiously.  “Please Dirk!  Please!”

Dirk collected the naked shell-less Jake and pulled him in close, curling his tail in between Jake’s legs. Jake wasn’t entirely certain how this was going to work, but somehow he knew Dirk would make it happen.

Dirk did.  Their mating was beautiful and lasted 10 days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely Sachi's fault!


	19. I'll be your Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Challenge from deathbyglamour-bot: In which Dirk is an angel and is assigned to protect Jake English, possible the most helpless human on the planet? Always almost dying, that Jake English. (Dirk loves Jake's dangerous spirit)

 “You’re doing WHAT?”

“I told you, I’m going to sky-dive into the island volcano!” Jake responded cheerfully to his dear friend Jane as they chatted on the phone.

“Jake, don’t you think that’s a little bit TOO dangerous?” Jane asked, sounding incredulous and exasperated.  “Remember that time your parachute didn’t open?”

“Yes, and by some stroke of luck, all the island tree limbs seemed to reach out and grab me, breaking my fall!” Jake responded happily.

“Jake.  There aren’t going to be any trees when you fall down into a volcano!” Jane exclaimed. “Where do you plan to LAND?”

Jake paused.  “Oh right.  You have a good point there, Jane my dear!”

Jane sighed, audibly relieved.  “Please tell me you’ll never jump into the volcano, Jake.  There’s nothing but hot magma in there!”

“You drive a hard bargain, but all right,” Jake sighed.

The phone conversation finished and then Jake was left to his own devices in the middle of his deserted island.

Alone.  Always alone.

A strangely tingly feeling began to form inside his stomach.  He was nervous, just _itching_ to do something to get his mind off the fact that he was stuck here on this island alone.

Jake swallowed as he thought about the terrible feeling again.

Anxiety.

That’s what Roxy called it.  She said that she had it too. Of course, Roxy’s methods of ridding herself of her anxiety were not to Jake’s liking.  He didn’t have any alcoholic beverages on this island to consume anyway, even if he wanted to.

But what he _did_ have was a plethora of danger.  Booby trapped tombs, dangerous spooky jungle caves, and hazardous island wildlife were all available in abundance.

It was the perfect distraction.

When he was a child, his grandmother watched over him, keeping him safe.  He wasn’t alone. He had no need to rid himself of this terrible feeling.

But after she died, it slowly crept up on him.  It filled him with sadness, rage, and fear all in one.  It was terrifying, and Jake didn’t know how to rid himself of it.

He often talked to his friends Jane and Roxy on the phone.  His cell phone and the internet were his only lifelines to the outside world, installed by his brilliant grandmother ages ago.

But though he would never admit it, Jake knew he was less than brilliant.  He knew that the technology would fail him at some point, and when it did, he would never be able to fix it.

And then he would be alone.  All by himself again.

The feeling filled him to the point that he wanted to shout, and he actually did.  It scared some of the local birds into flying off his windowsill.  He quickly grabbed his knapsack and took off for the jungle, unable to stand sitting around in his house any longer!

But just as he stepped outside the front door, he heard his phone ring.

Was it Jane calling him back?  Did she forget to tell him something?

Quickly, he fumbled in his pocket for his phone.  His cell phone was ancient.  His grandmother made it for him long ago, so she could keep track of him when he went off on his own into her pumpkin patch. 

The display had broken years ago, and he couldn’t see who was calling.  “Hello? Janey?  Did you forget something?”

“Do I sound like Jane to you?”  A distinctly _male_ voice reached his ear.

“Strider!” He exclaimed, sitting down instantly on his front porch step. 

When Dirk Strider talked to him, something shifted in the world around him. Something became more perfect, and the sharp edges of the cruel world softened.  He found himself smiling as he stared off into the distance, the gentle waves of the canopy of trees seeming to be waving ‘hello’ to him now too.

“That would be my name,” Dirk agreed.  “I’d hope you knew it was me after all these years.”

Jake scoffed, “All these years and you still only call me once every month or two!”

“Sorry, bro.  Job’s keepin’ me kinda busy,” Dirk said, his voice stretching into that lazy drawl that Jake found completely enamoring.

“What exactly _is_ it that you do again?” Jake asked, frowning at this thing that would rob him of his time with Dirk.

“Told you, I’m superman,” Dirk responded easily, like before.  “Gotta save damsels in distress.”

“That’s not a real job, Strider!” Jake huffed with indignation that Dirk would keep feeding him these silly lines and not tell him the truth! 

The fact of the matter was, he really knew very little about Dirk.  Even though he had talked to him for years now, Dirk remained a mystery.  Jane and Roxy had asked about Dirk for a long time now, and he knew that they doubted his sanity. 

They thought that Jake was so lonely he had made Dirk up in his mind.  Honestly, even if he had made Dirk up, he didn’t care.  Dirk made him happy, and that in itself was real enough.

“So, what’d you have on the agenda today?  Probably somethin’ like skydivin’ into that volcano of yours,” Dirk asked.

“Why yes!  I _had_ wanted to do that!” Jake agreed.  “But Jane talked me out of it.”

“She’s a good friend,” Dirk murmured.  “You should listen to her more often.”

Jake stuck his tongue out. “If Jane had her way, I’d do nothing but bake pumpkin pies all day!”

“Probably true,” Dirk agreed.

“No sir,” Jake continued.  “I couldn’t live the way she lives.  Jane bakes to calm herself.  Roxy drinks to calm herself.  And I—”

“You try to kill yourself,” Dirk interrupted, his voice flat-toned as usual, but somehow there was more weight behind his words.

“I—” Jake trailed off, fumbling for words after that.

“I know desperation when I see it,” Dirk said quietly.  “Jake, don’t go there.”

“Then where should I go?” Jake asked softly, tears forming in his eyes.  “My blasted phone is already on its last legs!  And four of my computers have already broken.  I only have one left.  Once it’s done, I won’t have Jane or Roxy anymore. I won’t have you.  I’ll be alone!!!”

“I’ll help you fix your computers,” Dirk offered.

Jake stood up, brushing the tears from his eyes.  He ran back inside the house, grabbing another pack from the dusty floor.  “No, Strider.  We tried that already, remember?  I’m too much of a ruddy imbecile for that!”

It was finally time.  Time to bare his secrets to the world.  Time to tell the complete truth and not lie to himself or anyone else any longer.

“Jake, what are you doing?” Dirk asked, likely hearing the rustling of the trees and snapping of twigs as Jake ran through the forest.

“I’m going to carry out my plans today,” Jake said, running through the jungle.  He shouted, jumping out of the way as a deadly dragon snapped at him.  He hit the dragon in the head with a large tree branch, silencing it for a little while.

“Jake, bro, this isn’t a good idea,” Dirk tried to reason with him.

“I can’t live alone, Strider.  You and I both know that there’s no way off this island for me,” Jake growled as he ran through the jungle, swatting at the giant flying insects as they swarmed around him.  He reached the edge of the jungle and the foot of the volcano.  Determinedly, he started climbing up.  “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Jake,” Dirk began to speak again, but was cut off quickly.

“I’m parachuting into the volcano, Dirk,” Jake said.  “You won’t be stopping me.”

Dirk talked to him as he made his ascent up the volcano, pleading with him not to do this.  But Jake wouldn’t hear any of it.  Rather, he would.  He heard Dirk’s voice.  He wished that Dirk could be here next to him.  Could be with him and not… wherever the hell he was.

He reached the top of the volcano, staring daringly into its hot molten depths.  Jane was right. There wasn’t anything for him to land on.  And that was assuming that his parachute even decided to open. A couple of times it hadn’t, but he had been lucky enough to survive both times.

“Dirk, you’ve been a good friend, but I’m afraid this is it,” Jake said. He couldn’t see any way out of it this time.  There were no trees to break his fall.  No large pools of water for him to land in after the wind miraculously blew him aside.

There would be no miracles that saved him today.

Jake hadn’t been aware of the tears when they started, but he blinked them aside, making his vision clear and sharp.  The molten lava bubbled inside the volcano, singeing his face with its heat.  He held onto his half-way broken phone like it was his only life-line.

And truly, it was.

“Jake, don’t do this,” Dirk attempted one last time.

“I-I suppose it doesn’t matter now that this is the end,” Jake said, a strange laugh bubbling forth to his lips.  “I love you, Strider.  Even though I’ve never seen you.  Never met you.  You’re the one I always felt closest to, even though you’re likely the farthest away.”

“Actually, that’s Roxy,” Dirk murmured.

“What?” Jake asked, caught off-guard by that peculiar response to his confession.  It was almost as if Dirk knew about his love.  Knew and didn’t care.  It made this all the more painful. “N-nevermind.  I’ll—I’ll see you in the next life, Strider.”

Dirk must have said something, but he had already dropped his phone to the ground by his feet.  He also dropped his travel pack, which had been his only companion on all his hazardous journeys.  He held onto his parachute, counted to three, and jumped in.

Partway down, he felt the flames of the magma burning him, and he pulled his parachute, knowing this would be his last sad thrill in this life.  The parachute opened, it blossomed into a brilliant green canopy that caught the convection currents of the hot air, blowing him upwards at an astonishing rate.

A rate too impossible to be normal.

Jake cried out with frustration and anger as he was blown out of the volcano and tossed back to its edge.  He tore the parachute from his back, rubbing a bit of soot from his eyes as he looked at the volcano with desperation in his eyes.

Without another thought, he ran and leapt in.

This time, he was certain it would be the end.

This time, he would finally die.

The heat of the volcano again began to burn him, and he prayed that this would be it.  That he would finally find happiness once and for all.

And then strong arms wrapped around his torso, nearly crushing him with their strength.

The scent of oranges wafted to his nose, and the sensation of being lifted high into the air left his stomach with a swooping feeling.  He hadn’t realized he closed his eyes until he opened them, to find himself high in the air, soaring back towards his home. 

What cruel joke was this?  That he would imagine being saved despite his inevitable demise!

Except, he hadn’t imagined the arms around him, because they were still there, holding onto him tightly and refusing to let go.

Another person was here.  Someone else was actually on the island with him.

Before he knew it, he was being dropped on his front step, gently.  The strong arms that had circled him unfolded, sliding from around him.

A wave of panic passed through him, and he quickly held onto one of the hands before they could disappear.  Quickly, Jake whipped around, turning to face his savior, and the only other person he had ever met aside from his grandmother.  He gasped as his breath was taken away by the beautiful creature in front of him.

Radiant wings framed the blonde haired creature, with vivid unusual tangerine eyes.  Jake couldn’t help reaching out to touch first his chest, and then his cheek, wanting to see for himself that he was real.  “You—you’re an angel,” he said, with a note of wonder and also certainty.

“Yep, 100% certified angel.  Right here,” the angel spoke, and as soon as he did, Jake knew who he was.

Jake’s eyes filled with tears and he lunged towards the angel’s body, circling his arms around his chest.  “DIRK!!!” He cried, holding him tightly as the tears spilled from his eyes.

Dirk didn’t say anything.  He merely circled his arms back around him and held Jake close.  As the two embraced, Jake felt his world shifting.  Somehow he knew things were different.  It was like when he talked to Dirk on the phone, only to a larger degree.

The weight of the world seemed to lift off his shoulders.  A new brightness appeared that wasn’t there before, leaving him sobbing but also overwhelmingly relieved.

“You… aren’t going to disappear on me now, are you?” Jake finally asked, sniffling and wiping away his tears.  “You won’t leave me alone, will you?”

He looked up to find Dirk shaking his head, “Jake, I haven’t left you alone since we started talking.  I’ve always been here with you.”

“Really?” Jake asked incredulously.

Dirk nodded and continued, “as an angel, it’s usually our job to protect thousands of people each.  But you, Jake… you’re a special case.  You needed more protecting that anyone I’ve ever met.  You’re the only one I guard.”

Jake blinked at him, still speechless because how was he supposed to suddenly accept that guardian angels were real? That his good friend Dirk was one and had actually been here the whole time?

Jake flushed as he realized what that meant.  That Dirk had likely seen everything he had done in the past few years.  From making himself breakfast, to bathing, to—

“Ehrm…. Strider,” Jake stammered, feeling flustered.  “I suppose then you know how much I _care_ for you?”

“I wouldn’t have stuck around if it hadn’t been mutual,” Dirk said softly, tipping Jake’s head up and meeting his lips with a gentle chaste kiss.  When he saw Jake’s wide eyes, he smiled.  “Jake, I’m here to stay.”

Jake was overjoyed.  As he led Dirk inside his humble house, he thought that for once fate truly was smiling on him.  There were so many unpleasant outcomes that could have come from his situation, but somehow he was lucky enough to be part of the small fraction that survived.  Not only survived, but found the one who truly mattered the most to him in life.

In time, Dirk brought Jake away from his island.  He took him to see Roxy and Jane. They lived together all over the world, and Jake was never lonely again, even when Dirk said he had to pick up his other responsibilities now that Jake was safe.

Jake didn’t mind.  Because he knew he would never truly be alone again.  That Dirk would return to him every day and spend every night with him.  That they would share the adventures of life together, no matter how fantastic or how improbable.

Never again did Jake have the desire to put himself into dangerous situations. And if misfortune ever did strike again, by chance and not by Jake’s choosing anymore, he knew a comforting truth for a fact. Dirk, his guardian angel and much more, would always be there to protect him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr if you wanna see more insanity!  
> http://lateniteslacker.tumblr.com/


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